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officialunitedstates:

My sister Jenny had finally turned 22 and her birthday gift was rain. 
"Cover your eyes," I said after I showed up unexpectedly at her apartment.  "I have a surprise for you."
After a bit of convincing she went along with it, and I led her down five flights of stairs to the lobby. 
She asked if we could have just taken the elevator.
"You’re not supposed to use the elevator when it’s raining.  I read that once.  I also like how they’re called flights.  Where’s the plane?  Haha."  She didn’t laugh at my joke.  I told her she could open her eyes now and she did. 
"What? Where’s this surprise?" she asked.
"I know how much you like rain.  It’s your birthday and it is raining.  Happy birthday, sis."
She looked out into the bustling, wet street and then gave me a sour look.  I gave her a sweet look.  She walked away.  I walked a way. 
"Look, Jenny, to be honest, I would have bought you a present but my wallet is empty," I said as I reached into my back pocket and showed her my empty wallet.  I had emptied it out the night before but she didn’t need to know that.  I even took out my library card.  That’s not even currency.  I definitely could have left that in there and she still would have thought I was broke.
She looked at the floor, letting her curly blond hair become unfurled, grinned, and then looked back up at me.  “It’s okay, I like your present.  At the very least it shows that you care about me.” 
And that’s how I got away with giving my sister rain for her 22nd birthday so I could buy sixteen globes the next day and smash them all with a baseball bat in the middle of times square.
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hanukkahlewinsky:

is this what having a penis is like 

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hashbrovvn:

JUST A SMALL TOWN GIRL LIVING INside her bedroom on the internet

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classy-as-fcuk:

☆☼Click For Similar☼☆
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snorlaxatives:

waking up and realizing you still have more time to sleep

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pinkisthenewscarlet:

i-spooky-like-fedex:

skellagirl:

parallelsea:

October

OCTOber

it’s the 8th month

I cracked the code

October is the 10th month though

It was originally the 8th month but then Julius fucking Caesar decided to add in July and August after himself and his nephew Augustus

we should totally just stab caesar

wonclerful:

when i ask u what ur favourite colour is i expect a colour of the rainbow not some guava sunset-salami coral reef bullshit 

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fraek:

i love it when people try to hurt my feelings bc i don’t have any lmao